Reflections of someone who helps change individuals and organisations
So here we are again.
I’m at a confessional of sorts by speaking with you. These times of the year are of long sleep-ins, indolence and plenty of food. There’s time to write and reflect. I’ve come a long way since this time last year.
Work begins again soon. My two roles await. I help people change. My clients see me at a private psychology clinic nearby. My organisational client has me working on over one dozen projects. Individual and organisational-level change work is fun to me.
I haven’t written an article in several months. Gaining my psychology registration took it out of me. Lying in a bathtub on a late Friday evening, I get an email. The email is from AHPRA, the governing body for psychologists in Australia. This single auto-generated email gave me the licence to practice psychology. I had clients ready to see me the following morning. Life went on as usual, which was fine by me. Not long afterwards, my clinic put my fees up — and my income.
Scrambling for more therapeutic modalities, I aimed to keep learning more. My supervisors urged me to take the foot off the pedal a little. I was writing my second book also while juggling up to twenty projects. Being a day-rate contractor, I saw many contractors around me out of work. The economy has taken a hit, and the cost of living has soared here in Sydney. Yet I gained a contract extension despite many others let go. Some contractors landed a permanent gig, and that’s something I’m considering too.
1. What have I learned from my workplaces in the past several months?
Your presence is enough. As a psychologist, I learn so many therapeutic models. Yet sitting with someone without judging them is a powerful left jab. Bringing both quality and timing to my curiosity about a person’s problem is a right cross. Building towards a therapeutic partnership with a loose and well-communicated plan? Well, that’s a huge uppercut. All three hits combine and conspire to rattle my client’s issue.
The value of artificial intelligence (AI) tools. Using AI tools for ‘little c’ creativity work, and to start the creative process. Realising AI won’t replace the creative, empathic aspects of people’s work. Let’s liken AI to bicycles. Before AI, you had to pedal your bike up the hill by yourself. Hard, manual work — with clever gear systems to help you sweat it up the hill. So too, organisations using spreadsheet models, templates and processes. Now we have e-bikes. We pedal away and the electric motor does quite a lot (but not all) of the work. AI is our electric motor — spurring us to greater creative heights. But then e-bikes bring their issues, challenges and limitations. So too with AI.
2. What could I share with you about holding space for others?
As I get older, I get dumber. I try to take my ego and thoughts out of the room where I can, to observe the tiny nuances of a conversation with my client. What is said, emphasised, repeated, or not said. When it’s time to explore certain topics with clients. That my assumptions about people aren’t exact. I use gentle curiosity and a willingness to get it wrong — but then scramble to learn more. I hope being dumber is a humble yet effective approach to helping my clients.
3. What happens when you have finite energy?
Rest, naps and other forms of self-care are valuable and indispensable. I’m about to turn 46, and I don’t have the energy or enthusiasm of previous years. I’m quite jaded about human nature, to be honest. I have little energy to waste. So I am honest about what I want and don’t want in my life. This honesty taps into what I value — respectful, genuine and supportive people around me. Anyone else doesn’t deserve nor get extended airtime, nor they should. I give a lot of energy to my work (and love doing so). Yet there’s no room for energy-sapping people. Especially those who go out of their way to create problems for others. When you’re happy, you have more to give.
4. The saying “less is more” means many things to many people. What could I share with you about my take on “less is more”?
Finding a state of emotional balance. For one, not being taken in by someone’s drama. Not picking up the phone or answering urgent Microsoft Teams messages for one. Especially when this drama impacts you or has you scrambling to maintain professional boundaries. The colleague who needs urgent help for something with a 30-minute deadline — especially when they had the issue needing help for many days. Clients asking for something well outside their treatment goals. This is a problem when it’s not within your scope of practice. The value of rest when you’re not that busy. Lowering your energy levels when engaging with individual clients who aren’t engaging in therapy. You can still be professional, but not burn too much energy or lose your sense of balance.
When are you off-balance? When you care more about your client’s progress than the client. Then it’s time to consider not caring as much. When are you balanced? When you’re enjoying a state of psychological flow with your work. To me, it’s surfing your energy well into the evening when you’re inspired and lose track of time with an interesting project deliverable. Keeping a balance of staying in touch with and acknowledging the role of office politics. Yet not getting drawn into energy-sapping and unnecessary problems.
5. What failures have I learned from in the last several months?
A lack of balance sucks. I’ve been lucky in that I work in two sound workplaces. I have two excellent bosses, and my colleagues in both workplaces are on the whole quite spirited, curious and great to learn from. I still fail — especially in times when I lose my balance emotionally. My unvarnished reactions come from this imbalance (to me, the opposite of gravitas). Sometimes the odd person around me made a perfectly timed remark, and I took the bait and fell victim to petty drama.
Everyone is a social animal, and most people want to be liked. Other times, I’ve been off-balance due to lack of sleep, a bad mood or getting down. Or I tend to avoid challenging conversations that should be dealt with. I learned in previous years not to overwork, or at least decompress after hard times. I can see why people overwork — there’s a perceived inadequacy, or need to prove oneself. Or there’s fear lurking. Sometimes life just gets busy.
Human nature always has a base side, no matter how “evolved” we want ourselves to be. I realise there’s a “white wolf” and a “black wolf” in all of us. Both wolves will always be there. I’m trying to learn from these difficult times. Maybe I’ll never get to where I would like to be. One of my clients grappled with a debilitating psychological condition. This condition (without disclosing details) was about doing something to numb overwhelming emotions. This client had seen an excellent psychologist about this condition years ago (I was treating a different issue). I asked the client — “What helped you the most about your time with this psychologist?” The response: “That it’s OK to relapse and [do the thing].”
Maybe we need to take the pressure off ourselves to be purely in “white wolf” territory. There are days when we are not perfect. Why beat ourselves up about it?
6. How have I grown in the last several months?
Helping others help themselves helps me. Sounds weird, I know. I’ve tried to be there for others as best as I can. I’m seeing the value of emotions in the therapeutic space. Helping blokes (in particular) grapple with the value of emotions is a worthy challenge that is paying off for many of my clients.
Melding creative ways to introduce these concepts is something I’m getting better at. I know that I’m not the best at processing emotions myself, and I learn as much as my clients. Detaching from organisational clients who don’t want to change. I’ve got a second book on the way — Remarkable Organisational Change Communications. My second book has been a two-year labour of love and helps consolidate my knowledge in change communications.
Meanwhile, I’ve been a big learning sponge. Emotion-focused therapy and schema therapy have been part of this. Positive psychology intervention and assessment add another string to my bow. All to be present and better for my two workplaces.
Here’s to you. And to a productive 2024.
Want to learn more about organisational change? Check out my book The Change Manager’s Companion. It’s available now. You can also enjoy my online course on Change Management. I’m also about to publish my second book — Remarkable Organisational Change Communications. Here’s an article to give you a flavour. Publication date? Early 2024.
